Love letters from my heart

After the love of my life passed away on May 31, 2025, I began writing to Ken every day as a way to ease my pain and grief through words.  You will journey into my thoughts, my struggles and ways I've learned to cope with loss and this daily connection with Ken.  It did bring me moments of peace.  These weekly writings begin on June 1st, 2025 and will be added periodically.

Letters from the heart

These are from my writing to Ken  every Saturday since he left on May 31, 2025:

July 12, 2025

Good morning Ken....we are celebrating you today with heavy hearts.  I miss your good morning hugs by the stove, asking if I had a good sleep, I just miss all of you being here.  I was the lucky one in this marriage ... you understood, protected and encouraged me every day of my life.  I could have asked for the moon and you would have found a way to get it.  You were always so proud of anything I did.  Now you are not here for me to share my thoughts, my joy or my sadness.  The day you left me I became a completely different person.  You brought my smile, my heart, my whole being with you.  The pain in my heart will never heal until I am back in your loving arms.  Miss you and love you always. XXX000

July 5, 2025

Ken, it has been 5 weeks....the days are passing but my heart and soul still cry for you since I had to let go of your hand that dreadful day in the hospital.  I know I hugged and kissed you so many times that week but it was not enough.  You were always there for me and I wish I could have given you my heart to save yours.  The smile you fell in love with, left along with you.  I will smile again when I am back in your loving arms.  The love and bond we have will always be there.  You will always be my first and my last love forever.  Love you Ken all the yesterdays, today and all the tomorrows....XXXXOOOO

A journey of love and remembrance

One year has passed since we had to say goodbye...

May 28, 2026.... Ken, it has been a long, lonely, painful year since I had to let go of your hand in the hospital.  Over this past year I have learned it was OK for me to cry without shame.  Tears I shed every day was and is an expression of my love for you.  Your name is always in  my mind and on my lips.  I love telling stories about your gentleness, your compassion, your love for life, your love for everyone around you and the special love you gave me every day.  I did what you suggested and I surrounded myself with family and friends and kept going every day for you and for me.  I stopped blaming myself for what I had no control over.  I have special moments for us like our special places that you brought me to when we were first married and throughout our marriage and I plan to continue to bring healing and feel our love.  I was patient with my grief and told myself there is no time limit.  I could take all the time needed.  That is what you would want me to do.  Our love was so deep it will never be erased.  I still feel your heart beating in mine as it did for 63 beautiful years.  Your love for me is still here giving me the strength I need to carry on for us.  I will love you and miss you until I am back in your loving arms.  Gail

Dear Gail...my love...I saw you in that moment in the hospital and I knew you would stay right beside me holding my hand.  I am so sorry honey that I had to go.  You did not leave me that day, you stayed even as hard as it was for you.  Gail, you don't have to ever wonder what I wanted to say to you that night in the hospital.  You already knew, you have always known what I wanted to say to you.  I thank you for our life together, for those 63 beautiful years we had together, for every laugh, every struggle, every quiet moment we shared together, you were always my home.  You were my heart Gail.  If I couldn't find or say the words that night, it's only because my body could not keep up with the love I have always had for you.  Please know that my love never left you.  Don't carry this pain, do carry me with you the way we always were together, steady and so full of love.  I am at peace and my love is still with you.   I adore you in all the ways that really matter.  I love you honey and I always will.  I am with you always....Ken

 

Soft thoughts, strong love

May 18, 2026

Ken, even our strongest love story could not stop one of us having to say goodbye.

We spent a lifetime learning each other's habits and memorizing the little things no one else noticed.  The sound of our footsteps, the way we always reached for each other, reaching for our hand without even thinking, our quiet moments of comfort being together.  The years slipped by so and we became each other in every way possible. 

That is why losing you feels impossible to carry, because after loving each other so deeply for 63 beautiful years, how does my heart, my being, can ever learn to live in a world without you.