Love letters from my heart
After the love of my life passed away on May 31, 2025, I began writing to Ken every day as a way to ease my pain and grief through words. You will journey into my thoughts, my struggles and ways I've learned to cope with loss and this daily connection with Ken. It did bring me moments of peace. These weekly writings begin on June 1st, 2025 and will be added periodically.
Letters from the heart
These are from my writing to Ken every Saturday since he left on May 31, 2025:
August 30, 2025
Good morning Ken.... 3 months tomorrow since I had to let go of your hand in the hospital. I wanted to tell you that night that I didn't only fall in love with you I also walked in love with you every day. I chose to take every step with you as you did with me. We believed in faith and destiny and it proved to be for us for 62 wonderful years of marriage. I would choose you in 100 lifetimes, 100 worlds. I would find you and choose you again, again, and again. The most beautiful thing I can say is that not only did we love each other, we also respected each other the moment we met until you took your last breath and I will continue to love you until I am back in your loving arms, forever. I love you and miss you every nanosecond of every day.....big hearts sent to you. Thank you for sending me strength....love you hon....
September 6, 2025
Good morning Ken ... You knew you owned my heart since that July day in 1962 and still owned it today. You were my greatest and my only love from day one. I loved how we looked at each other every day with loving in our eyes, no words were needed. Our heart was always in sinc with each other. You gave me a piece of you every day, you taught me to believe in myself and to reach my dreams. Each day of our marriage was truly a love story that people noticed. People knew I was your world and you were mine. We vowed that first day we were joined together that we would live into our senior years and you reminded me that day in May before you left that you had kept your promises. To live into our senior years, to keep me safe and respect each other. No one will ever love me the way you did unconditionally every single day of your life. Even in this silence today, you speak to my heart that I can go on but I feel so alone without you by my side. It is very difficult to go on without you. You were and still are my strength, my love, my soulmate, my home where my heart lived, and you were my peace. I will love you and miss you until my very last breath and I am back in your loving arms. Thank you for sending me strength every day. I love you and miss you every day....
A journey of love and remembrance
One year has passed since we had to say goodbye...
May 28, 2026.... Ken, it has been a long, lonely, painful year since I had to let go of your hand in the hospital. Over this past year I have learned it was OK for me to cry without shame. Tears I shed every day was and is an expression of my love for you. Your name is always in my mind and on my lips. I love telling stories about your gentleness, your compassion, your love for life, your love for everyone around you and the special love you gave me every day. I did what you suggested and I surrounded myself with family and friends and kept going every day for you and for me. I stopped blaming myself for what I had no control over. I have special moments for us like our special places that you brought me to when we were first married and throughout our marriage and I plan to continue to bring healing and feel our love. I was patient with my grief and told myself there is no time limit. I could take all the time needed. That is what you would want me to do. Our love was so deep it will never be erased. I still feel your heart beating in mine as it did for 63 beautiful years. Your love for me is still here giving me the strength I need to carry on for us. I will love you and miss you until I am back in your loving arms. Gail
Dear Gail...my love...I saw you in that moment in the hospital and I knew you would stay right beside me holding my hand. I am so sorry honey that I had to go. You did not leave me that day, you stayed even as hard as it was for you. Gail, you don't have to ever wonder what I wanted to say to you that night in the hospital. You already knew, you have always known what I wanted to say to you. I thank you for our life together, for those 63 beautiful years we had together, for every laugh, every struggle, every quiet moment we shared together, you were always my home. You were my heart Gail. If I couldn't find or say the words that night, it's only because my body could not keep up with the love I have always had for you. Please know that my love never left you. Don't carry this pain, do carry me with you the way we always were together, steady and so full of love. I am at peace and my love is still with you. I adore you in all the ways that really matter. I love you honey and I always will. I am with you always....Ken
Soft thoughts, strong love
May 18, 2026
Ken, even our strongest love story could not stop one of us having to say goodbye.
We spent a lifetime learning each other's habits and memorizing the little things no one else noticed. The sound of our footsteps, the way we always reached for each other, reaching for our hand without even thinking, our quiet moments of comfort being together. The years slipped by so and we became each other in every way possible.
That is why losing you feels impossible to carry, because after loving each other so deeply for 63 beautiful years, how does my heart, my being, can ever learn to live in a world without you.
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