Journeys through grief
PAGE UPDATED OCTOBER 1, 2026
Welcome to my personal journals, a space where I navigate the landscape of grief through writing. Here, you'll find reflections, memories, and the raw emotions of coping with loss, shared with the hope that they bring comfort to you, as they do to me.
My weekly conversations with Ken
I dedicate time to write to my beloved Ken daily. It is a testament to our enduring kindred love.
October 1, 2026 entry:
July 22, 2025
Good morning Ken. It has been 53 days you have been gone. My heart seems hurt more every day. I have to learn to love you through spirit, your clothes, your photos, your ashes and that is not easy. I keep remembering our past together. It seems like such a long time ago yet still like yesterday. Now I realize my time is almost done here. I can see why the elderly sit alone in senior homes crying for their past. I am almost there. Not sure how long I have but I am sure when it is my turn, you will be there for me just like you were always there for me here. God I miss you so much. Jasper is getting hi9s teeth cleaned today. I hope all goes well. You were here when this appointment was made. Something else I have to do by myself now. I dropped Jasper off at 9:00 am. I picked him up at 2:45 pm. He did well. He is very droggy. We went to Cathy's for supper. Pierrette arrived at supper time. She is babysitting the cats while Cathy and Gilles leave tomorrow. I came home to sleep. Jasper slept all evening. He stayed on the bed with me all night. Love you Hon. goodnight xxxooo
July 23, 2025
Good morning Ken, 54 days you have been gone. I wish I had not let go of your hand. How I miss you. I am so sorry your heart was sick. I am trying very hard to go on "keep going" ... I know if you were here, you would not want me to cry and miss you like I do. I know if I had left first, it would have been just as difficult for you too. 63 years of love is making 63 years of grief. I need your strength to continue. You were so brave that day in the hospital. You didn't want me to see how worried or scared you were. And I put on a brave face to not worry about you. But there is so much I wanted to tell you. Now I tell you in my thoughts and my writing. Jasper is much better today. He is back to himself. Yes, I gave him his peanut butter this morning. I love you, love you, love you. Went to Lois. At tea time we were talking about our husbands and we were all crying. It don't matter how long you are gone, I will still cry. My evening was OK. I still talk to you like you are here. Remember how we had so much to talk about. I miss your comments. Goodnight Hon. Love you xxxooo
For my comfort, and yours
These are daily writings to Ken:
Updated October 1, 2026:
July 24, 2025
Good morning Ken.... Already 55 days of missing you. I feel like I am in a foreign country and I don't know anyone and I am all alone. No one to help me. I never realized how much I relied on you for so much. We always made decisions together. You were always there for advice. Now I have to make these decisions by myself. Is that why you were always saying for me to decide? You were preparing me for this day. My heart is still feeling funny like a bit of anxiety trying to set in but I keep telling myself I will be OK. I keep telling myself your heart was not functioning properly but it don't help, I still wish you were here. You are not here when I am afraid to protect me like you did, now I have to protect myself. And when I don't know how to do something, you are not there to do it for me. I have to do that too now. Found a nice letter to a woman who lost here husband telling her to carry on. I can hear you saying that to me. I know you wanted to leave first. I hope you are preparing a nice place for us when I get there. Goodnight Hon. I am sleeping on your side of the bed tonight. Love you xxxooo
Finding strength in every word
I still by fresh flowers for my Ken. It is a small, simple thing but it means the world to me. I think of all the days he would bring me coffee, hold my hand, or just be there. Now in placing these flowers, I honor him. I am the one who is grateful for every kindness he gave me, every day he chose to love me. And even now, as I walk past these flowers, I feel his presence still guiding me and still loving me. I will always treasure his note to me that day in the hospital ; "I will never forget what you did for me Gail" Those were very powerful loving words from a husband who loved me for 63 beautiful years. Ken, You will always be my one and only love...
Create Your Own Website With Webador